A Little Update

It’s been awhile since I wrote a post, committing the cardinal sin of blogging; I should be doing regular updates, probably at least twice a week. I’m nowhere near that. But hey, it’s my blog so I’ll do it my way.

If you’ve read any of my other articles, you’ll know that I’ve not been a fan of 2012. It’s been a pretty crummy year, but things have turned around. I’m two days in to my new job and I can say without a doubt that I love it. The work will be challenging but rewarding, the team I get to work with is full of smart, wonderful and friendly people who already have shown that my opinion is valued and welcomed and the work I do ultimately makes a difference in the City of Toronto. Can’t complain about that!

With the holidays approaching, of course your thoughts turn to friends and family. And as I said in my last post, my family and friends have been asked to support me through a lot this year. You (and I say you because 99% of the readers of this blog are friends/family) have no idea how grateful I am for your constant love, support and ears (for the times I need to rant and rave about how unfair life has been – a pity party, in short).

So, the year of crumminess looks to be ending on a very high note; that makes me happy. While I hope that none of you go through things where the support you provided me is needed, as I said last post, if it is, I certainly owe you.

How do I feel about life right now? Well, once again, a 70’s TV theme says it all. Just replace the female pronouns with male ones.

My friends.

If you’re a friend and not in this photo, just consider yourself edited in.

In my post about growing up in a small town, I said that I’ve known some of my friends for 20 years. It’s true! In fact, my roommate and I have known each other since the very first day of Junior Kindergarten. I’m pretty lucky in that regard, to have gone through so much with such great people.

I come from a small family; I have my mom, dad, and brother. For the past few years, it was just the four of us for the major holidays. We thankfully have my Aunt Jill back to be with us for the festivities, but a gathering of five is – while a lot of fun and filled with love – very intimate. In my younger years, family holidays usually consisted of 70 – 80 people, as we would do huge dinners at a hall with my Mom’s side of  the family; her aunts and uncles, their kids and in the later years, their kids’ kids. After my great-grandmother passed away, those stopped and now what was two meals at Christmas with 80 people has become just the five of us.

I supplement my small family by having a tight circle of friends. This year, I’ve done two things: I’ve expanded that circle of friends and I’ve relied on those said friends a lot. As you know, 2012 has not been an easy year for me. From job loss, to some family changes, to the first “real” breakup in my 24 years, to another job loss (neither of which, I add, are my fault) and now to the anxiety of waiting to hear about a job I would love. I’ve asked my friends to keep me in their thoughts, to provide a shoulder to cry on and to provide an ear I can rant, rave and yell in on a regular basis. They have delivered on all accounts, and I’m eternally grateful to them for that fact.

My friends are, as I said, my extended family. I’m blessed enough to have people who have been with me since public school. I’m also lucky enough to have met new people, in middle school, high school, university, college, work and even through Twitter that have shaped the person I’ve become and continue to grow into.

So, to all of my friends, let me just say thank you. You’ve been there through a down year; I hope things start to turn around this week (it’s looking good!) and I can be there for you. I hope, after all I’ve asked, that I can be the first person you turn to if you need anything. This song says it all…

Who Am I? Where Am I Going?

I feel like the year 2012 has been a realigning year for my life. I’m not sure whether I’m going through a quarter-life crisis early or if a tumultuous year was just in the cards. Now, granted, a lot of what has happened to me this year have really fit the #FirstWorldProblems criteria (if you’re on Twitter, you know what I mean here) but it still has been an experience. Through it all, be it the sadness of a breakup or just getting settled in life generally, 2012 has been… tough.

All of the changes going on have really got me thinking; at my core, who am I? Where am I going?

I have a pretty good sense of who I am. I’m confident, collected and set in my ways (please don’t read that as stubborn). I know who in my life to trust and who not to. I know that I’m capable of achieving whatever I want, but I also feel underachieved. I think I’m smart – but I want to prove it by completing my university degree.

I also know where I need to change. I want to continue to get healthier, and will continue going to the gym. I know that my passion for issues facing Toronto, Ontario and Canada have my interest in politics there – and I want to make a difference there. Does that mean running for office some time? Possibly. Or maybe it means becoming a policy advisor to a level of government, in order to try to create the change from within. There’s a lot of opportunity.

I need to be more open when it comes to what I want in terms of being with someone. I need to not be so guarded and protective of my own heart. While I’m private about my love life, I think I’m entitled to that without question. But that privacy shouldn’t extend to being in a relationship with someone. They deserve the full, 100% me. Not just what I choose to show them and when. Sure, I have warts (figuratively) but a relationship is about things like that. It isn’t always pretty, right?

So who am I? I’m a dedicated, loyal friend, with two eyes focused solely on the future. It’s time to put this awful year to rest (in a month and a half), learn from the sadness, draw strength from the joy and move forward.